4 years of hope

Over the last week or two I have started working my new schedule and I'm not gonna lie its gonna take some time to get used to.  It's a much different world then what I was used too.  Luckily I have a good partner and the other crews on my shift are great too.  The downside to this schedule is I feel like I'm missing a lot of family time and I'm not getting to see my husband very much.  I do a lot of traveling each week even though I am staying with family on the nights I'm on shift.  I usually get to come home for about a day and a half before having to go back.  On the bright side we have an appointment with the adoption agency in a few days which also happens to be our anniversary.  It will be our 4th anniversary and looking back on those four years I realize how much we have experienced.  With all of the fertility procedures, testing, and emotions that comes with it has only made us stronger.  Even though there are days that we feel weak we know we must be strong and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Fears

I was watching TV earlier and saw a show about a famous couple who are struggling with infertility.  It is nice to see someone with every resources at their fingertips struggle just like us.  The feelings I have about IVF (invitro fertilization) other women feel as well.  The nervousness, the fear of pain, the fear of failure, and even the fear of it being successful.  I'm not gonna lie there are days it's not easy to stay positive and I wish that there was a fast forward button to see how this is going to play out.  Which ever direction we decide to go I'm just excited to see what happens.  I hope the choices we make now will make our kids proud.

What a way to start the day

So I have my first two shifts under my belt and it wasn't the easiest I have to say.  My first day I was getting ready and I stay with family in between my shifts so I don't have to drive as much and my Grandma has a vanity mirror that I was using to put my makeup on.  I hear a pop and look down and saw the mirror had cracked about 2 inches.  Of course I am angry now because this is not how I want to start my first day.  So after a few curse words and throwing a small fit I go back to getting ready and the dang mirror cracks the rest of the way to the edge.  All I could say was COME ON!!!  So after this I'm worried how my day will be since I am a little superstitious when it comes to work.  So of course I fell out of the ambulance once, got thrown up on, and felt pretty lost in the area all day.  My second day was a little easier thank goodness even though we stayed pretty busy. Being away from home for days at a time is rough and makes me pretty homesick.  It's a little harder than I thought it would be but I'm sure eventually it will get a little easier.  Other than that nothing to exciting has happened with us.  Which isn't a bad thing!