Just smile and nod

It's been a little crazy around our house lately. My birthday was on the 31st and a few days before that I thought we were going to a friends house for dinner but I was shocked to find out that it was a surprise birthday party for me. I couldn't believe it, I've never had a surprise party before. I'm never a big fan of my birthday, one because no one ever likes getting older, and two it reminds me I'm getting older and still have no kids. My in laws threw a BBQ for me on my birthday as well. The guys I work with at my station also bought me an ice cream cake and of course had a candle on it that was a headstone and said over the hill, to old to count. Talk about making a girl feel special. :) I feel like a lucky girl to have such amazing people in my life. Lately I've been feeling a little lost and can't seem to find myself. I can't seem to decide "what I want to be when I grow up", what I want to major in, and honestly I could go on and on. Right around my birthday is always a little tougher for me because I have not seem my dad since my 9th birthday party. So 18 years later I have a lot of questions that unfortunately will probably never be answered. I think this is one reason I feel lost sometimes. I basically have a half of my life that I have no idea about. This makes me want a baby even more than usual too. I swear if one more person says "just relax it will happen" one more time I may go postal. Sometime it takes everything I have to smile and nod when I'm told that. I always want to say until you have been in my shoes please keep your comments to yourself. Fertility treatments, medications, disappointment, and hurt feelings have been something that Tony and I have had to get used. I always have a feeling of guilt too when our families ask how much longer till you have a baby. I wish there was something more I could do but this is one thing I have no control over which is difficult because I can be a control freak!