Long time

Well it's been quite awhile since my last post.  I am still adjusting to my work schedule which isn't happening as fast as I wish it would.  It snowed yesterday and was COLD.  It was very pretty but I was not ready for snow.  I guess I have lived in the city a little to long.  We went on our elk hunt a few weeks ago which was my first elk hunt ever.  I was excited to go and have this experience but unfortunately I did not get an elk.  My sister in law and uncle did so it was fun to help them.  We also both got deer tags and Tony got one on opening morning.  SHOW OFF!  :) Not as much luck for me but I am going back out for another day so hopefully that will be my time.  I'm so excited for the holidays this year except that I have to work almost all of them.  I love the holiday season!  We wish that we could be celebrating with a new addition but hopefully things will fall into place soon and that dream will be a reality.

Time to hunt

I am excited to leave for my elk hunt in a few days.  It's my first elk hunt ever so I'm nervous as well.  There is always great memories made on our hunting/camping trips especially when the kids are around.  A few years ago when we were deer hunting Ally wanted to sleep in our tent so she slept on my cot with me.  When we woke up in the morning it was really cold and she needed to go potty so she tells Uncle Tony to take her.  As soon as she lifter the covers and felt the cold she says NEVER MIND!  We were laughing so hard.  Never a dull moment with those guys.

Moments

Since my last post I have had a few of those "ah-haaaaa" moments.  Sometimes you just have to sit down, take a deep breath and say REALLY?!  I've learned that honesty and being trust worthy are traits that not everyone has.  I've had to learn who to trust and who not to trust and considering that I'm working in a new environment with all new people this can be tough.  Luckily I have met some pretty great people that I can't wait to get to know better.  I've learned that there s somethings that are completely and totally out of my control, and that's hard for me to be ok with.  I know what I have to do but it seems like my heart and my head are not communicating right now.  For some people the things I feel is difficult may be easy for them and things that are easy for me may be hard for them.  It's hard to find friends that are willing to accept your imperfections and love you no matter what.  I've learned that you can go for years not talking to a friend and finally get to reconnect (on facebook of course) and it's like we never lost touch.  She is there even though we are miles apart.  Thank you Chelsea!  Of course there are those friends that I wish we could just go back and make sure we never lost touch  Unfortunately it's not that easy and hopefully one day it will change.  Maybe it will change this weekend since it's my ten year reunion.  Wow ten years already! 
I read something today that really moved me so I thought I would share it with everyone.
Once there were two expectant mothers.
One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart
She became your Birthmother.
The other carried the hope of you within her.
She became your Mom.
I can't wait for this process to be over and I can finally say I'm a mom.  Everyone always says that once you have a child your world changes and you have to make choices based on your child.  In our world this has been our way of thinking for the last four years.  The one missing piece to our puzzle is a child.  This whole process has been full of moments we will never forget.  Some good, some bad but in the end it has made us stronger. 

4 years of hope

Over the last week or two I have started working my new schedule and I'm not gonna lie its gonna take some time to get used to.  It's a much different world then what I was used too.  Luckily I have a good partner and the other crews on my shift are great too.  The downside to this schedule is I feel like I'm missing a lot of family time and I'm not getting to see my husband very much.  I do a lot of traveling each week even though I am staying with family on the nights I'm on shift.  I usually get to come home for about a day and a half before having to go back.  On the bright side we have an appointment with the adoption agency in a few days which also happens to be our anniversary.  It will be our 4th anniversary and looking back on those four years I realize how much we have experienced.  With all of the fertility procedures, testing, and emotions that comes with it has only made us stronger.  Even though there are days that we feel weak we know we must be strong and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Fears

I was watching TV earlier and saw a show about a famous couple who are struggling with infertility.  It is nice to see someone with every resources at their fingertips struggle just like us.  The feelings I have about IVF (invitro fertilization) other women feel as well.  The nervousness, the fear of pain, the fear of failure, and even the fear of it being successful.  I'm not gonna lie there are days it's not easy to stay positive and I wish that there was a fast forward button to see how this is going to play out.  Which ever direction we decide to go I'm just excited to see what happens.  I hope the choices we make now will make our kids proud.

What a way to start the day

So I have my first two shifts under my belt and it wasn't the easiest I have to say.  My first day I was getting ready and I stay with family in between my shifts so I don't have to drive as much and my Grandma has a vanity mirror that I was using to put my makeup on.  I hear a pop and look down and saw the mirror had cracked about 2 inches.  Of course I am angry now because this is not how I want to start my first day.  So after a few curse words and throwing a small fit I go back to getting ready and the dang mirror cracks the rest of the way to the edge.  All I could say was COME ON!!!  So after this I'm worried how my day will be since I am a little superstitious when it comes to work.  So of course I fell out of the ambulance once, got thrown up on, and felt pretty lost in the area all day.  My second day was a little easier thank goodness even though we stayed pretty busy. Being away from home for days at a time is rough and makes me pretty homesick.  It's a little harder than I thought it would be but I'm sure eventually it will get a little easier.  Other than that nothing to exciting has happened with us.  Which isn't a bad thing! 

Ice cream and stress......What a great combo!

Well this week has been kinda like a roller coaster for us. Right after we decided to move forward with the adoption, I got the news that I may be getting moved to a full time spot in Prescott. Which means more driving, waking up at 3am, and less money. And I only get this spot as long as I have the most seniority of everyone putting in for it. If I don't get this spot then I will have no full time position at all. After getting this news we decided the adoption is not the best idea right now since we don't really know whats going on yet. So with everything going on I have been under a lot of stress. My sister was letting me vent the other night and I told her I was going home to get "chip faced". And that's exactly what I did! A nice bowl of ice cream always makes you feel better. :)