Ice cream and stress......What a great combo!

Well this week has been kinda like a roller coaster for us. Right after we decided to move forward with the adoption, I got the news that I may be getting moved to a full time spot in Prescott. Which means more driving, waking up at 3am, and less money. And I only get this spot as long as I have the most seniority of everyone putting in for it. If I don't get this spot then I will have no full time position at all. After getting this news we decided the adoption is not the best idea right now since we don't really know whats going on yet. So with everything going on I have been under a lot of stress. My sister was letting me vent the other night and I told her I was going home to get "chip faced". And that's exactly what I did! A nice bowl of ice cream always makes you feel better. :)

Just smile and nod

It's been a little crazy around our house lately. My birthday was on the 31st and a few days before that I thought we were going to a friends house for dinner but I was shocked to find out that it was a surprise birthday party for me. I couldn't believe it, I've never had a surprise party before. I'm never a big fan of my birthday, one because no one ever likes getting older, and two it reminds me I'm getting older and still have no kids. My in laws threw a BBQ for me on my birthday as well. The guys I work with at my station also bought me an ice cream cake and of course had a candle on it that was a headstone and said over the hill, to old to count. Talk about making a girl feel special. :) I feel like a lucky girl to have such amazing people in my life. Lately I've been feeling a little lost and can't seem to find myself. I can't seem to decide "what I want to be when I grow up", what I want to major in, and honestly I could go on and on. Right around my birthday is always a little tougher for me because I have not seem my dad since my 9th birthday party. So 18 years later I have a lot of questions that unfortunately will probably never be answered. I think this is one reason I feel lost sometimes. I basically have a half of my life that I have no idea about. This makes me want a baby even more than usual too. I swear if one more person says "just relax it will happen" one more time I may go postal. Sometime it takes everything I have to smile and nod when I'm told that. I always want to say until you have been in my shoes please keep your comments to yourself. Fertility treatments, medications, disappointment, and hurt feelings have been something that Tony and I have had to get used. I always have a feeling of guilt too when our families ask how much longer till you have a baby. I wish there was something more I could do but this is one thing I have no control over which is difficult because I can be a control freak!